Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
