Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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