Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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