i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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