that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
