oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
