honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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