i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
birth control should be required to get into college
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
