So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
