ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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