I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
