Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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