Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
there's paper in my vomit.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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