from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
