There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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