His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
