The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
