told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We left the knife in your bed.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
