Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
