We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Found the puke drawer
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
