You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize