Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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