Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
