I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
