Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
