Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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