I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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