I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
