He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
