he quoted the bible to break up with me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
