I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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