Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
