I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
