it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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