Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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