Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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