I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
