that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize