A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
