Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
