Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
