Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
