If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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