True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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