sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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