Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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