can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
