Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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