I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
