Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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