if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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