I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
