If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
