On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How does one acquire holy water?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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