she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
