I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize