I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
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Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
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His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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