dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
