Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
