Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
