I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
