Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
