when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
