I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
