Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
