Ambien. No doubt about it.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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