The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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