I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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