Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
